Seven years ago, at the time of my work/life breakdown the only coping strategy I had was to try to do more, do it faster, and more efficiently. Until I tried something else.
I tried an experiment. I gave myself the one break I thought I could manage – 30 minutes for a quiet cup of coffee at a Starbucks, early on a Sunday morning. I took a book, just planning to read and unwind a bit. Nearly an hour later, I hadn’t read a page. I found myself sitting there, reflecting on my life. Surprisingly I wasn’t worrying or freaking out or feeling overwhelmed. I was just thinking about what was going on and what I wanted, going forward.
I started to look ahead to the week to come and think about what I could try to do a little differently. I realized that, as crazy and stressful as things had been across the past weeks and months, that things actually were a bit calmer in this present moment. And that I had (in the coming weeks) a window or two of opportunity to deal with some outstanding issues, and to get out ahead of some things. But I literally hadn’t seen those windows — until this very moment — because I’d been too worried, afraid and stressed out to notice them.
I had a physical sense of relief when I walked out of Starbucks that morning. And my week that followed was the calmest, most productive and most energized week I had had in many, many months. Not perfect, but noticeably better.
So I found it a bit easier to grant the self-permission I needed to make another Starbucks date with myself, the following Sunday. I kept making those dates, for many Sundays after that. Over time, I found it easier to carve out even more time for me — to rest, recharge, refocus and re-engage my best self — because I saw living proof of how it made me mentally sharper, emotionally happier and physically more energized to deal with my crazy-busy life.
Especially for the mothers who may be reading this posting, I need to add one last piece of this story. I turned off my phone and did not even bring my laptop for that time at Starbucks. I completely unplugged for a little quiet time for me. And nobody died, literally. I took a small chance, a calculated risk that I wouldn’t be there for two of the people I loved most when they needed me. Not only was I there to say goodbye to my dad when his time came, but my daughter is now a thriving and confident 22-year-old, college senior. Just as important, I’m still here too and doing more than well – the proof in the pudding.
I’ve learned a lot about my own thinking processes, the mechanics of the brain, and the wisdom of most ancient spiritual traditions when it comes to rest and play. I know there’s so much more that’s possible and needed in terms of work/life balance in our 24/7, global world. Bottom line — mindfulness is a big part of the story I have left to tell.
